Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
