ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
