so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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