I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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