I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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