Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
