speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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