Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
