No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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