You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
