Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
