Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
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His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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