So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
