Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
