I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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