The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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