After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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