I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
