Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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