He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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