my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
