Pappa wants mamma naked
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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