I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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