Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
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I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
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Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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