Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
