before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
As shirtless as possible
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
