the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Your cock deserves a montage
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
