I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
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I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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