I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
now i know why i became what i already was.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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