shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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