And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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