She is in my trunk
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Four minutes until I can fart!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Your penis caused this!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
