there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
