I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
