dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
