if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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