cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
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Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
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Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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