i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
