I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
