Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
