just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
