Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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