Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
