I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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