my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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