Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
