He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
