Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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