Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
