In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
