I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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