i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
