Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
