just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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