you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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