so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
