In the future we'll all be gay
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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