fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
