we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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