Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
