There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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