I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
