I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
