i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she smelled like a LAN party
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
