we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
